Bittersweet Beginnings
by Chiri Kushi
Summary: What happens when the death of the one you love brings out a new aspect of an old relationship?
1. The beginning

**Title:** Bittersweet Beginning  
**Fandom:** CSI: MIAMI  
**Characters:** Ryan Wolfe and Calleigh Duquesne  
**Rating:** PG  
**Summary:** What happens when the death of the one you love brings out a new aspect of an old relationship?  
**Authors Notes:** Character Death. Is there such a thing as angsty fluff?

* * *

She sat alone in the locker room, legs crossed with her back turned to the door. Her body shook softly as the tears rolled freely from her eyes and down her face. Silent sobs escaped her lips as she continued to stare into nothingness.

The saltiness of the tears was foreign to her lips as she attempted to lick them away. No tears no fears, right? No, because the more she tried to rid her face of her tears, the faster they seemed to fall from her eyes. The silent sobs began to grow louder too, quickly turning into hysteria.

Calleigh always feared this day would come, always knew it would. She voicelessly watched, day in and day out, year after year. The memories of those past years came flooding back, and she choked on air as another sob let free.

She was crying so loudly, that she didn't hear the door open and close behind her. Usually her senses are so extremely perceptive that she can tell when people are behind her, staring at her. Instead, she didn't feel the cool air created from the door, or hear the footsteps as they rounded her, or the body heat emitting from the person kneeling in front of her. She gasped in shock as she opened her eyes and looked into concerned dark green eyes.

Ryan's hands gently rested across Calleigh's lap as he silently asked her what was wrong. Calleigh pulled him in for a much needed therapeutic hug as her tears slowed and her cries quieted. She pulled back and wiped at her eyes as she looked at a very concerned and yet also confused Ryan. She sighed as she didn't know where to begin. She decided to keep it short and to the point, "Ryan, my dad died."

Ryan had so many unanswered questions for Calleigh, but before he could ask, she stood up, straightened her shirt, and stalked off towards the ladies room. His brow wrinkled in confusion at the sudden mood change, but he stayed in place on the floor in front of the bench.

He waited patiently for Calleigh to finish what she was doing, and as he was doing so his mind slowly wandered. He thought about the first time he met "Duke" Duquesne a few years ago. In all honesty, had Duke not driven home drunk that one night, Ryan might not be where he was today, as a crime scene investigator. This was how he liked to think of it. He didn't think of himself as a replacement for Speed, but rather as a third party unbiased newbie that was hired on the spot to take care of a beloved family member.

His thoughts then traveled to the last time he saw Duke. Ryan felt ashamed of himself that the last time he saw Duke he thought that he was in trouble again and Calleigh was off to risk her job to save his neck. If only he could change that last meeting. But he couldn't, not anymore.

Calleigh came out of the bathroom at that point, and she looked like she hadn't been crying at all just a few minutes earlier. Her hair was fixed and not disheveled like it was when Ryan first came into the locker room, and her face was immaculate. Her once swollen puffy eyes were gone, and replaced with a stony green glare. Her makeup was fixed, and she looked like she just woke up.

She smiled a smile that she tended to save only for interrogating suspects, the one that never reaches her eyes and barely even shows her teeth. She walked past Ryan, and stopped at the door. She turned toward him and sighed, "Thanks Ryan. I really needed that. Could you do me a favor and not say anything to anyone?" She then walked out the door, and went back to work. Leaving a very confused, and not to mention concerned, Ryan in her dust.

* * *

Calleigh was a fighter. She wanted nothing more than to run home and curl back into bed and rewind the day, maybe even the week, but she wasn't going to. She was going to finish this case, and ignore the pressing issue for the moment. She would worry about planning her father's funeral later.

She stopped sudden as she neared her ballistics lab. Putting on a smile she felt would look genuine; she continued walking until she entered the already occupied room. Horatio Caine looked up at the sound of her nearing footsteps, and smiled grimly.

"Calleigh, did you get to take a look at the bullet from the crime scene yet?" He asked, as he played with the sunglasses he held in his hands. He slowly walked towards the lab table and placed his sunglasses down. He turned towards Calleigh, and waited for her answer.

Calleigh's smile faded as she walked over the lab table and picked up the report and bullet. She briefly read the report and turned to Horatio. Shaking her head, she replied, "No, sorry Horatio. Something came up and I had to run to the locker room."

Horatio nodded slowly as he continued to play with his sunglasses. He continued to stand there, staring at Calleigh. She shifted uncomfortably at the intensity of the blue eyed stare, but held her ground. His stare turned to a look of concern as Calleigh continued to look uncomfortable. Horatio sighed, why does everyone always try to hide something from him? "Does this have something to do with your father?" he asked with an eyebrow raised. She looked at him, with a look of confusion evident on her face. He nodded his head; confirmation, "Calleigh, I'm head of this department for a reason. Please don't think you can hide something from me. Do you know what happened?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat, not willing to let go of her façade. She nodded slowly as she walked toward the coat rack near the door. She grabbed her coat and walked back towards Horatio, putting her coat on over her clothes. She tried her best to ignore the knowing look on his face, and began to prep the bullet for work. "I do know what happened, but I don't want to talk about it," Calleigh said sternly as she turned away from Horatio, dismissing him.

Horatio raised his eyebrows at the usual sweet Calleigh's turned back. He knew not to pressure her to go home, but he also knew he needed it to been known. He spoke in an authoritative voice that even he was surprised to hear, "If I feel you can't handle being here anymore, I'm sending you home and letting the night ballistics expert, James, take over. Alright?" She nodded in understanding, knowing that if she's not careful she could compromise her cases. He picked up his glasses and turned to leave, "Don't forget to get me those results on the bullet."

Calleigh watched as Horatio left the lab and headed towards the Trace Lab. Once he was out of sight Calleigh's soldiers slumped and she exhaled. Wanting this day to be over with, she began to work on the case at hand.

* * *

She was thankful to be home. Calleigh turned the lights on in her kitchen and walked into the hallway leading to the front door. She pulled her heels off her feet and threw them nonchalantly into the closet where the rest of her shoes laid.

She went back into the kitchen and opened her refrigerator door, hungry. She stopped when she looked at the wine coolers and beer stacked neatly in the top corner. She desperately wanted some, but refused to follow down the road that lead to the same death of her father. She contemplated throwing the offensive alcohol down the drain, but decided against it. She could still use it for when company was over.

Calleigh went back to looking for food and decided on the left over lasagna from the night before. Taking the container out of the refrigerator, she slammed the door and closed her eyes at the sound it created. She took the cover off the food and placed the container in the microwave. She set the timer and went in the direction of her room, ready to change for bed.

When Calleigh came back into the kitchen, her doorbell rang and she groaned. Whoever it was, it couldn't be good. It was either one of her brothers, Horatio, or Ryan. She dearly prayed it wasn't her brothers, because she couldn't tolerate them right now. Horatio would try to father her, and she laughed bitterly at the thought. Not something she needed at this very moment. Ryan, she was on the fence about Ryan. He would either be his normal 'Ryan' self and make a complete ass of himself for saying the wrong things at the wrong time; or he would be the unusual sweet, compassionate Ryan she only saw when his defenses were down.

She opened the door and briefly stared at the man behind the door. Ryan stood there, with one hand in his jean pocket, and the other holding a bag, of what looked to be takeout food. "I thought that maybe you'd want some fresh, healthy food?" he asked, waving the bag around slightly.

Calleigh laughed, "Healthy? Fresh?" She shook her head and opened the door wider to allow room for Ryan to enter. She breathed in the aromas from the bag and nearly gagged, "OK, either you brought me Chinese, or you brought me broiled shoe strings. I'm really hoping you did the former rather than the latter."

She led him into the kitchen and took her left over lasagna out of the microwave. Ryan shook his head as he watched her dump the questionable food and grab the take out bag. He went back into the entrance way and took his shoes off and placed them neatly by the door. He then took his jacket off and hung it up on the coat rack near the door. He went back into the kitchen to see that Calleigh had already begun to eat the Mu Shu Gai Pan. "How'd you know that was for you?"

"Because you know how much I don't like Sesame Chicken. It's too sweet," she said in between bites. Ryan rolled his eyes at her logic but knew it was true. He took his food out of the bag and went into Calleigh's silverware drawer to get his own fork. He worked the kitchen as if it was his own. They ate in silence, enjoying the simple pleasure of being in each others company.

When they were finished eating, they both helped each other clean the kitchen and put away the left over food. Calleigh knew it was coming. Ryan just doesn't bring food. He brings advice wrapped in food. Her back was turned to him, but she felt his eyes on her.

He just couldn't understand her. This woman who is always strong, to see her cry earlier, then to act as if nothing was wrong. It worried him, "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.

Calleigh's eyes went upward as she briefly laughed, "That didn't take you very long, Ryan." She turned to look at him, her eyes set in a stony stare. She crossed her arms and looked at Ryan, refusing to let him get to her.

Ryan blinked, "I'm worried about you. I've never seen you do what you did earlier in the locker room."

"Yeah, well. I've never had my dad die either, so I guess we experience new things everyday," she threw back bitterly.

"Calleigh," Ryan said, pushing away from the counter, "Don't shut me out." He took a step closer to her.

She took a step away from him and into the dining room, "I'm not shutting you out. I'm fine." She took a deep breath, willing the tears to stay at bay. She blinked a couple of times and continued to stare at Ryan, refusing to let him win.

"Calleigh," He said with a disbelieving look. She stared back, refusing to let go of her emotions.

"I'M FINE RYAN," Calleigh looked at him, the tears that she thought she had under control running down her face. She sighed, "I just-I just keep expecting him to call." She said, she wiped her tears, and was finally able to explain, "He'd always give me these monthly phone calls. They were always around the same time, and they always said the same thing. 'Hi Lamb chop. Today's the day. I'm going to quit drinking today,' he says. I didn't get this month's usual phone call. I didn't think anything of it. I thought maybe he finally did it. Maybe he got his act together, got a decent job on his own; no pulling strings, and was just busy."

She paused to get her thoughts together, "I get a call today from my brother, John, 'Cal, Dad's gone.' I almost didn't understand him. I thought he meant Dad went back to Louisiana," she took a deep breath and wiped away the tears that continued to stream. "So I say, 'What, did he get a job back in Louisiana?' 'No Cal, he died.' His body gave up on him. It couldn't handle the abuse he was doing to it. All those years of binge drinking, just forced it to quit." She broke down at this point, and choked on her cries. "I just can't believe he's actually gone."

Ryan was at her side by this time. He pulled her into his arms and squeezed her tightly. He didn't say anything; he knew that she needed a moment to pull her self together. She let go and looked at him, catching her breath and easing away the cries.

She laughed bitterly, "You know what the real kicker is? He was in the hospital for a week. A WEEK, Ryan; and no one bothered to call me. No I get the call today, AFTER he died."

Ryan sighed, unable to process what she said. "When's the funeral?"

She hugged herself, "Friday."

Ryan wrapped his arms around her, knowing she needed the comfort more than she realized, "Do you want me to go with you? I will."

_Yes,_ "No. I'll be fine," she said as she pulled away from Ryan one last time that night. She wiped the tears off her face and smiled briefly at Ryan, "I'm exhausted. I'm going to head to bed."

Ryan nodded as he headed for the door, "OK. Are you coming into work tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I need the distraction. I've been placed in charge of planning my father's funeral," she said, following him to the door, watching as Ryan was getting ready to leave.

"Well, if you need help, let me know. You shouldn't have to do something like that by yourself," he leaned in and briefly kissed her cheek. He pulled back, mentally kicking himself for making the situation uncomfortable for her. He quickly pulled his shoes on, and grabbed his coat, "I'll see you tomorrow then." He left without a second glance to Calleigh.

Calleigh stood there motionless, watching as Ryan closed the door behind him. Unshed tears found their way down her cheek, and she sighed frustrated that her eyes could betray her so often in one day. She wiped her eyes and turned around, ready to let this day finally end.

* * *

It had been three days. Three days of crying, planning, and working. Calleigh shook her head, amazed at how tired she felt. The amount of sleep she was getting nightly would make anyone bounce off the walls the next day. She, however, felt the need to crawl back into bed and sleep some more.

She probably should have taken the offered time off, and to be honest, was shocked when no one forced her to go home on the second day after her father passed away.

Today was the day of the funeral, and dressed in black with a bad mood, she really was ready for the funeral. She finished her makeup and went back to the living room, trying to find her shoes. She grabbed her purse and looked around her apartment, hating what would happen next.

* * *

Her brothers sat next to her, on either side of her. Each one held a hand, giving comfort while taking comfort at the same time. Tears were falling freely as the priest continued talking about their lost father.

They stood when the priest finished, watching as the final words were said and the casket dropped into the grave. They each threw a handful of dirt onto the casket, and walked away, their last goodbye fresh in their minds.

Walking slowly back to her car, she stopped when she say Ryan, wearing a suit and tie leaning against her car. He smiled sheepishly and pushed away from her car. Walking towards her, Calleigh noticed that his tie was actually loose, as if he did it in a hurry. Calleigh sighed as he got closer, "I thought I told you not to come?"

"You told me not to come to the funeral. Looks to me like the funeral ended," He said as he smiled. His smile faded as he grew serious, "How are you holding up?"

"Better than I thought I would, giving the circumstances," she said as Ryan slowly wrapped his arms around her, engulfing her in a hug, "You keep hugging me, Ryan, and I'm going to want them more and more."

Ryan laughed, "That's fine by me. Want me to follow you to the reception?" Calleigh nodded as he started to let go.

Calleigh smiled and kissed Ryan on the cheek, "Thank you for coming, even though I told you not to."

Ryan smiled, and his lips found Calleigh's. They kissed quickly before Ryan pulled away. He stared into Calleigh's eyes, fear of what she would do to him for kissing her. He saw nothing but sad eyes with something else he couldn't pin. He cleared his throat, "No problem. Come on, let's get going." He walked towards his car, parked behind Calleigh's car.

She stood in the spot where Ryan was kissing her moments before, watching as he started his car. He honked his horn, pulling her out of her reverie. She shook her head, and went to her car, wondering why Ryan would choose today to put his feeling on the table.

* * *

This was meant to be a one shot, but I can't get it to end the way I wanted it to, so I'll be continuing this one. 


	2. The Funeral After Party

**Title:** Bittersweet Beginning (Chapter 2)  
**Fandom:** CSI: MIAMI  
**Characters:** Ryan Wolfe and Calleigh Duquesne  
**Rating:** PG  
**Summary:** What happens when the death of the one you love brings out a new aspect of an old relationship?  
**Authors Notes:** Character Death (Duke Duquesne). Is there such a thing as angsty fluff?

* * *

Calleigh stood near the bar, drinking a club soda. Images of the scene from the cemetery continued to dance in front of her eyes and her lips still tingled as if the kiss happened just seconds before. Shaking herself from the reverie she looked up and glanced around the room.

She couldn't help but stare as her brothers downed drink after drink. She might not have forgiven her brothers for what they did to her earlier in the week, but she didn't want to watch them follow the steps of their father.

She shook her head, and walked towards where the bartender was standing, wiping down the countertop. He looked up as she approached and smiled brightly, "Want another club soda, miss?"

Calleigh smiled at the bartender as she slipped a five on the table. Pointing towards her brothers at the other end of the bar, "I need you to make sure they have a ride home. Call them a cab when they are ready." The bartender nodded and walked away from Calleigh, ready to serve someone else a drink or two. Calleigh turned around and surveyed the area.

She waived politely at the people who waved at her, but otherwise she stood stationary looking for the one person she really needed to talk to. Making another sweep of the room she found Ryan, talking to her Uncle Mike. He was a tall man, with dark dirty blond hair. He had the distinct muscle structure of a male Duquesne in the jaw, strong and square. Shaking her head as to what they could be talking about, she started walking towards the two men.

Upon reaching the two she heard the end of their conversation, with Mike talking loud enough even the neighboring tables could hear, "And then sweet little Maggie, she says to me: 'Uncle Mike, don't you dare kill that deer. What did she ever do to you?'" Ryan laughed with Mike, before briefly glancing upwards and spotting Calleigh. Mike followed his line of sight and spotted Calleigh.

He moved from his chair to stand in front of Calleigh. "Maggie! It's been such a long time since I've seen you! I hate how we have to meet up at a funeral," He said as he engulfed Calleigh into a big hug. "I was just telling your boyfriend here about when you were little and still living in Louisiana."

"He's not my boyfriend," Calleigh stated firmly, as she fought the blush that was slowly creeping up her cheeks to stay down. She grabbed onto Ryan's arm slightly and smiled at Mike, "If you'll excuse us, Uncle Mike, I need to talk to Ryan in private."

Mike waved them off, "Sure, sure. It was nice to meet you Ryan, let's have this chat again." He smiled as he turned and stalked off towards the bar.

Ryan nodded as he walked away, "Not a problem, Mike." He turned towards Calleigh and smirked, "Maggie? When did you change your name, Calleigh?" She groaned as he laughed. He followed Calleigh as they headed towards the back of the bar, where no one was around.

"Uncle Mike is the only one allowed to call me Maggie, sort of like how my dad was the only one who called me Lamb Chop. It's short for Magnolia," she answered his questions briefly, not divulging further information. Briefly looking around to make sure she was out of earshot she asked Ryan what was on her mind all day, "What convinced you to kiss me, Ryan?"

Ryan shrugged, "It seemed like a damn good thing to do at the time." He smiled, as he started to kick at the floor, "I don't know. It felt like a good time to tell you how I felt about you. Looking back, now I'm kind of feeling foolish."

She shook her head, confused at the sudden confession, "Ryan, you choose my father's funeral to kiss me." She moved closer, smiling sadly. "Had you told me your feeling for me last week or even kissed me-"

Ryan interrupted her, smiling, "If I had kissed you last week you probably would have slugged me." He started to fidget, knowing that whatever was about to come next couldn't be good, because Calleigh had 'I'm about to nicely reject you' clearly written in her eyes.

She smiled, her imagination letting the image of hitting Ryan play out, "Probably. But I just, I need time to digest this. I need time to heal from this ordeal before I can move to the next. I can't think about having a relationship right now." She grabbed his arm, pulling him closer as if she was about to embrace him in a hug. She didn't however, she merely stood there as the smile she had slowly faded, "I need you to let me heal. OK?"

Ryan nodded slowly, brief glimpse of sadness barely registering in his eyes. He gave her a half smile, "Yeah, I'm sorry about my brashness. I wasn't thinking earlier when I kissed you. I should have known kissing you in a grave yard isn't exactly romantic." He laughed at himself, letting Calleigh know it wasn't a big deal. He pulled Calleigh closer, hesitated a little, before pulling away, "I should go though, let you have time to yourself with your family. Let you have some alone time. I'll uh, I'll see you at work?" he asked, knowing full well that the answer was yes.

Slowly he turned around, and headed for the nearest exit. He didn't give Calleigh a chance to tell him that he'd see her at work, or to tell him to stay and keep her company. He didn't give a second glance back towards her, and with the opening of the front door, and the blindness of the outside sun, he was gone.

Calleigh sighed. Ryan, try as he might, wasn't a very good actor. She knew that she probably bruised his ego and hurt his pride a little bit. She rubbed her arms, suddenly cold, and shook her head of the thoughts that were clouding it. She headed towards the bar, ready to pretend she didn't hurt her friend, ready to pretend that she really will be alright. Thankfully she's a better actor than Ryan.

* * *

Alas, Chapter 2. No, no end in sight. Thank you for your sweet reviews, and your patience. 


End file.
